Lesson Learned in Moldova #3

I never actually posted the previous two lessons because I learned them way back when I was living in a different village without internet. In short they read something along these lines:

Lesson Learned in Moldova #1: Always, ALWAYS, carry toilet paper
Or something that can be used as toilet paper. This is very important. So much so that I have considered and frankly still might start, stuffing my bra on days when my outfits do not have pockets. As a friend of mine pointed out, stuffing my bra with vital TP is not only practical but also has the added bonus of giving me bigger boobs. I'm already the oddly dressed/styled American so there's really no downside to having someone catch me with hârtie igienică hanging out of my shirt.

Lesson Learned in Moldova #2: "Don't die stupid"
I heard this phrase several times over the summer from my first host "mom", usually to get me to eat something weird (see: cow tongue, mayonnaise and fish eggs on bread, salted raw fish, pickled pig fat etc.). My grandmother used to say something similar when I was a kid to get me to eat veggies, "you never know if you like it until you try it." Although both of these were used in reference to food the lesson I take away from them is that, what is the point of life if you don't at least try all there is out there? (I have a sneaking suspicion however, that both Gram and Silvia were more excited about seeing my reactions to the food than encouraging me to experience new things)

Thus, we come to the lesson I learned a few nights ago.

Lesson Learned in Moldova #3: Never leave your front door open at night
I've never been comfortable with the dark. As a kid, before bed I had a very stringent anti-monster protocol:

1. Cram as many stuffed animals as possible into the crack between my bed and wall
2. Prepare bed sheets so that there was no time wasted scrambling to get under the protective covers once the lights went out.
3. Do a final check that there was nothing lurking under the bed or in the dark corners
4. Hit light switch and run like hell towards bed, three feet away take a flying leap into the pre-arranged covers.

My unease in the dark grew exponentially when my cousins and I invented the game "bloody ghost" (on a side note, it is probably the greatest game ever). Bloody Ghost is kind of like tag in the dark. One person, the ghost, hides and the others try to find them. Once the ghost is spotted, usually because it has popped out of a bush or dropped out of a tree effectively scaring the crap out of the seekers, someone screams "bloody ghost!!" and all the seekers trample over each other trying to get back to the base (i.e. the lamp post and the glorious safety of its light) while the ghost tries to tag someone with a ball.

I've never really recovered my lost courage from these experiences and growing up in Montana where there are, in fact, things in the dark that will eat you has made me avoid hanging out alone in the woods after the sun goes down. However, in my current home where every dinner is accompanied by a few glasses of wine, avoiding leaving the house to make a trip to the outhouse is near impossible. Generally, these night walks here in Moldova do not have me jumping at rustling bushes or running back to the house in fear because the scariest thing you could encounter here would be a rabid dog or a drunk, both of which would have a hard time getting over our fence (every house in Moldova has a solid fence and a gate) and unnoticed by our guard dog.

With this new found confidence in taking night strolls through the garden, I left my house and because it was so nice out left my front door open. I should also mention that the way my house is set up, when I enter I immediately enter the first room on the right, the back rooms are ghost-townish containing old furniture and frozen memories. I try not to go back there and feel uneasy when I do have to cross the threshold from my space to the past's space. Anyway, I get back from my outing, enter my house and close the door. With my heightened ability to detect creepy things in the dark I instantly know I am not alone in the house. At the same instant I have frozen in terror a white blur of something fuzzy comes flying out of the corner and straight at me. I, of course, do nothing except step sideways and hope that somehow the door will magically reopen and provide an exit path for this spectral thing and, more importantly, away from me. No such luck. The thing crashes head first into the closed door, runs UP it, flips, hits the ground and tears across the floor...straight into my bedroom.

Once my heart started beating again I used my big human brain to figure out that there was a feral cat, not a ghost, in my house, somewhere in my dark bedroom. Have you ever tried to get a scared, wild cat to go somewhere with you? Yeah, now, instead of fearing for my soul all I can picture is being sent home via medical separation for being mauled by a cat. Fortunately, the cat was part deer and froze in my headlight's beam under my bed. Also fortunately for me, PC had given us all a box of colored pencils at swearing in and thus a tool that I could use to poke the fur ball in the bum until it barreled out of my room and through the open front door. Come to think of it, that closed door and the concussion it most likely inflicted on Mr. Fuzz probably saved me from a nasty case of cat scratch fever. Lesson learned, always close the front door.

Mr. Fuzz, the night terror